Monday, April 16, 2012

Lovesick



This should be the theme song for my entire blog!!

I want to share a story, it's personal but I only have 7 followers so.... :)

First of all, God is soo good!

His promises, laws and principles are all true I am beginning to discover first hand!

I'll start back in January, Josiah and I participated in the Daniel Fast and quite literally the last day of the fast during a prayer/worship night at my church God spoke a few things very clearly to me.  One of them was that I was going to get pregnant in March.

I was excited! And I was going to make sure it happened! So, without further detail, Josiah and I did our part.

We began thanking God for our baby and constantly spoke that I was pregnant throughout the last 2 weeks of the month.

Alas, the end of March and no period, the stick read "pregnant"!

I almost couldn't believe it, as strange as that may sound...
I began speaking to my baby, calling him Isaiah because Josiah and I have always wanted our first born boy to be named, Isaiah.
As soon as I began talking to him God stopped me and said, "This is not Isaiah, this is Samson."

"Samson?!!!" I replied. I never liked the story of Samson that much and I did not want to call my child, Sam.
"God, are you sure this is Samson?"
"Yes."
"O.k."
I could picture this little fertilized egg wrestling in my womb trying hard to latch on for life, I knew he was strong.

I told Josiah and he was surprised but accepted it.  We began calling him, Samson.
Two days later as we are on the phone to tell his parents our news,  I felt a rush of blood and knew that Samson had entered heaven.

I cried but I was not devastated, the Holy Spirit comforted me and soon almost a relief came and I was more than content not being with child.

Two days after that, while sitting at my computer, God spoke again, "McKenna, think about the story of Samson."
So I did.
I realized that Samson's greatest victory was in his death!
He killed more of the enemy (Philistines) upon his death than he had his whole life.

God told me that Samson was tearing down the strongholds in my mind I had developed about miscarriage.  It had been in my family and I had a deep fear of suffering one.
I am absolutely sure that I will never suffer another miscarriage.  As Samson sacrificed himself, he tore down my uterus "wall" and defeated the enemy that had burrowed in my mind. The bond was broken and I felt absolute freedom!

I praised God that it was never His will for Samson to die, if God killed babies then it would be ok for us to kill babies in the womb, but God knew what was going to happen and turned it around for my victory and my liberty.  He never let me call it Isaiah and get attached because that baby wasn't our Isaiah.  He held my heart and emotions in His hands and was with me throughout the whole experience.

He's been showing me how you truly have what you say! Not just with this but with many experiences this past year.  I've learned that when I am believing for something and I speak it with faith and it turns out to not be God's best for me, He gently leads me out and on to the next thing.

There is nothing like a relationship with the Creator of the Universe, only He can satisfy!!

3 comments:

  1. McKenna, you're right, this is really personal, but I want to thank you for sharing this.

    It's so wonderful to see how God is taking care of you and leading you, even to to the point of telling you your child was Samson, not Isaiah.

    You're right on another thing as well. There really is nothing like a relationship with the Creator of the Universe! :)

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  2. I love God's gentleness. We speak faith and He still leads and guides us to His best.

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