Wednesday, March 18, 2015

How I Feel About the American Church

I was scrolling through Facebook and saw a sponsored ad for a Free Movie Night in my city, Burbank, by a new church. I thought, “Oh great, a new church.” So I proceeded to click on the ad and go to the church’s page to find out who they were, what they believed, etc. 

As I was reading through their Baptist mission and learning about the pastor and his wife and their 3 kids and all the great things pastors from around the country said about them... and their 5 year budget... and their outreach plan... I started to get sad.

 Naturally, I watched their Vimeo promo convincing givers that LA had 19 million people and most of them are lost so they are going to plant a church and save LA and in turn, save the world.
I thought, “Do they realize there are already a lot of churches here? Do they realize there are already a lot of Christians here?”
Yet the attitude was that this one pastor was called to “Antioch” from Woodstock and in 5 years he was going to have a huge congregation (since he had already successfully baptized 1000 youths from his previous ministry) and the money was going to be flowing and the community was going to transform and everything was going to be perfect...
Now don’t get me wrong, it sounds like I am tearing this church apart and I’m slightly exaggerating (though not much) to make my point. The pastor and his family are probably amazing, Jesus loving people. It’s the attitude of American Christians that is starting to frustrate/confuse/anger me. Instead of having 1 million churches with usually 1 or 2 guys running the show, what if Christians started pulling together and supporting the churches that are already in place? Build up what’s already established in a community. Offer your time and gifting for the sake of the body, not so you can headline your Sunday Sermon. America DOES NOT need more churches!!! American churches need unity.  They should support each other.  Why do we need so many denominations?  Because everyone thinks that their interpretation of scripture is the right one so they need to branch out and put a slight twist on whatever theology they were under?  Is pride the issue?  What is keeping the Church from rising in the power of unity? I don’t know if there are, but it would be cool to see a church with multiple teaching pastors. Not just 2, what about 10 or 20? There are a lot of people who are called to pastor but that doesn’t mean each one of them needs their own building and their own worship team and their own staff, etc. I wonder how the early churches really functioned in a city. Back then the gospel was spreading like wildfire so of course there were going to be churches popping up all over the place but we’re 2000 years down the road and the gospel has hit America. Ask a stranger if they’ve heard of the good news of Jesus and I guarantee you they will say yes. Most “lost” people aren’t “lost” they are just turned off. And not by Jesus but by Christians.  They see how petty our arguments are and backwards our priorities are and I think most of those “lost” people opt out. I grew up in the church and have had such a deep and personal relationship with Jesus that I could never deny that he is the Son of God but most of the time even I am turned off by Christians.
All this to say, I wish we could love our brothers and sisters more effectively and unite as the body of Christ. There’s no way we’re ever going to all agree but Christ has filled us with a love that can overlook the minor things. We are told not to judge. Christ is the judge and his verdict is that in Him we are righteous so there’s no need to keep coming up with creeds and sub-denominations and reformations and yada yada yada.  He’s going to come back for us, let’s celebrate that and invite others into our supernatural way of living and loving. Let’s offer the world our lives and leave no reason for anybody to not want to know our God.

Monday, February 16, 2015


Do you ever feel like you're going to explode. But like, for real. Like if you stay where you are another second you'll just stop breathing.

Why do we feel this way? How did we get so desperate? Lack of love? Lack of allowing ourselves to be in the moment and be grateful for what we have? I believe it's many factors, including those mentioned. The important thing is that we get out of that place and return to a place of peace. We must breathe and return to a state of rest so that we can collect the energy to move forward, and see, again, the vision that is our future. It boils down to a lack of hope. A lack of faith that we will actually get to do what we were born to do.

So hang in there and master the art of whatever you happen to be doing at the moment and continue moving forward in your dream. There is no instant gratification that is worth anything. Value is in the slow burn. Character is in patience.

Friday, September 6, 2013

Where Did You Come From, Where Did You Go?

Ahoy my 8 followers! I have returned!
The past 2 years have been disappointing in my blog world and I apologize!! I was knocked up and now I'm a mom and those two things affected my desire to write.
Also, God has been showing me a lot of new things and giving me a greater understanding of his love and grace so I've just been chillin.
BUT my book, Her Story is HIStory, is selling again and the last page leads readers here so I thought I should be here when they come....if they come....
I have the most beautiful little girl in my life now, her name is Rayah Monet and she is 7 months old TODAY!
It's crazy.
Nobody and I mean NOBODY can prepare you for motherhood.
I was not prepared.
At all.
A  t    a   l  l !!
The emotional toll it has taken on me has truly rocked my reality but I'm slowly that I'm somewhat sleeping...
In the midst of the past months of mostly crying and eating I was listening to a preacher named Paul White from good ole Missouri and truth be told as free as I thought I was, God has set me even more free through this guy! You should check him out.
I'm not sure where I'm going to go with my blog from now on, I just want people to know that God loves them and they don't have to do anything to earn it and they don't ever have to feel guilty or not good enough. I want to empower everybody to believe in who they are in Christ. And if you don't believe in Christ, you are as equally amazing because I believe He formed you in His image.
I want to set people free like I have been set free.
I am SO SICK of religion. It breaks my heart and at the same time makes me angry!
Jesus loves you.
That's it.
No more, no less, you are loved!!!
People argue theology all day on Facebook and I'm like, get over yourselves!
We are never going to fully agree on everything so let's cut each other some slack, cut out the judgment and learn how to love unconditionally.
And I can say that because this is my blog.
And I've probably lost at least 7 of you by now.
So if you're reading this, thanks for hanging in there and hopefully my next blog will rock your socks off.

Check out Pastor Paul here

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

My Birth Story

    I know it's been a long time since I've written on my blog but it's never too late to start again!  I wanted to share my birth story with whomever might be interested.  Unlike most women who opt for the traditional doctor/hospital birth, I opted for a midwife/home birth and wouldn't have it any other way!

After meeting with an OBGYN at Cedar Sinai Hospital I had an unsettled feeling.  There was nothing in particular that seemed off, I just knew in my spirit that I wanted a different experience. I've always hated hospitals and had a feeling that if I chose to have the baby there chances are I wouldn't be comfortable.  I went home and watched the infamous home birth documentary, "The Business of Being Born", on Netflix.  Case closed. I was going to find a midwife and have a home birth! I encourage all of you to watch it and then decided for yourself.  I am in no way against hospital births but would definitely recommend educating yourself about how "the system" works.  Now, on to my story.

   It was 7:00 pm on February 5th when I felt a painful cramp, much like a menstrual cramp and wondered if this could be the cramp I'd been waiting for (quite impatiently) for 9 months!  It turns out it was!  My husband and I had just finished dinner, which consisted of baked chicken and veggies complimented with a glass of red wine (don't worry I only drank a little bit) and were in the middle of  watching "The Godfather 3".  I noticed the cramps getting a little stronger and strangely frequent.  At 7:30 I began to time them and by 8:30 I called my midwife explaining that contractions were coming every 3-4 minutes and lasting for about 45 seconds to 1 minute.  She calmly told me to hang in there and call her back when my water broke or when the contractions were much stronger.  I was somewhat perplexed, I didn't know what to expect, they hurt pretty bad, how much worse were they going to get?! I had a bit of a freak out moment so Josiah sat down in front of me and calmed me down with reassuring words that everything was going to be ok and that I could do this.

  The contractions were getting so intense that I couldn't sit on the couch or the bed any longer so I decided to lay on my side in the freshly waterproofed bedding. After a few minutes on my side I felt the warm gush.  I yelled to Josiah that my water had broken and then went into shock.  It was only 9:30! In my mind the baby was going to come any minute and the midwife wasn't going to be there! My body started to shake uncontrollably and I called the midwife explaining that my water had broken.  She sat on the phone with me through two contractions then said to keep laboring and call her again a little later.  What?! The?! Heck?! I was scared but said ok and hung up. She then called back not two minutes later and told Josiah she would head over to our apartment.

  She arrived after 10:00 p.m and began setting up without interrupting my concentration.  The contractions were so intense I don't really remember what was going on this next hour except having thoughts of, "I can't do this" and "I DON'T WANT to do this!" and "I'm never doing this again!"  Fortunately I have a well-controled tongue and never spoke these thoughts, knowing the power of words and not wanting to give any foothold to fear in pain.  I was on my knees, leaning against the bed, using gravity to my advantage, hoping it might just pull the baby out for me.  Through loud groans and only being able to say/yell the word, "God" as a desperate prayer, I was progressing.  We worried the neighbors wouldn't appreciate how loudly I was progressing seeing as how we shared a bedroom wall with them, but I had no intention of leaving my bedside out of courtesy. (It turns out they weren't even home that night).

  After 11:00 p.m. my midwife's assistant arrived and I was checked to see how far dilated I was.  I was informed that I was about 8-9 cm dilated and was free to push when I felt the urge.

  I couldn't believe it was already time to push!  I jumped the gun and just started pushing since she gave me the green light, looking back I should have waited a little bit longer because I was on the road to exhaustion.

  Now where was Josiah through all of this?  He was right by my side, holding my hand and speaking encouragement.  I squeezed him so tight and didn't want him to leave me alone, even to let the midwife in the door!  I couldn't do this thing alone like I believed I would have wanted to while I was envisioning my labor experience as a pregnant (and ignorant) woman.

  After pushing and being on my knees for about an hour and a half I was exhausted!  I wasn't sustaining my pushes even though the assistant was counting and coaching me.  They suggested I try laying down on my right side and lifting my left leg in the air each push.  It sounded like the worst idea in the world to me but I tried it.  With my head on Josiah's lap, my right hand squeezing his outstretched right foot and my left hand holding my left leg up in the air with his help, I made substantial progress. I knew it was almost time to meet my baby girl. Then I felt the head come down as I pushed and instead of going back it stayed, I was SO close! Feeling a head in your pelvis is motivation to push super hard and get the sucker out as fast as possible.  By next push her head was out and with one more, her body followed.  Before I knew it I had a warm, limp little body on my chest, it was 12:57 a.m. on February 6th, my dad's, and now my daughter's birthday.

  I was expecting a magical euphoric high like I had read and heard about.  I believed I would feel no more pain once I had my baby in my arms and was confused why I still felt quite sore down there as I was trying to enjoy the moment.  The reality that giving birth actually hurts slapped me in the face.  I had envisioned a peaceful, supernatural experience but instead had a mildly violent, carnal, labor and delivery.  I am quite thankful that from beginning to end it only took 5 1/2 hours (for a first child this is almost unheard of), but now I understand the right of passage to becoming a mother.  I'm glad I didn't numb my lower half because I don't think the motivation to push her out that fast would have been there.  I'm glad it was just me and my husband in our home so my body and mind didn't have extra stress placed on them.  I'm thankful for my midwife and her assistant helping me through my pregnancy and delivery by giving me my space, letting me do what I wanted to do and not ever giving me unnecessary cause for concern.  My mom calls me a "pioneer woman" for doing it so naturally.  I realize now that I haven't given myself enough credit, I just had a baby naturally, by myself, and I should be proud of my accomplishment.  I pushed through the thoughts of giving up and brought a beautiful, 6 lb. 6 oz. life into the world. 

  I encourage all of you pregnant women to stay positive at all times by all means because I believe your mind plays more of a role in this process than any part of your body.  No matter what a doctor says, believe that you will have the best birthing experience possible and that your baby will be healthy and whole.  Speak life over your baby right now and envision your labor and delivery going smoothly.  The life inside of you can only be brought into the world by you, so rise up and be proud and excited that you're about to do something extraordinary! It does get scary when you're in it but fight that fear with the reality that you can do it, that you were made to do it! Don't give in to the pain, use it!  There is nothing like having a baby. Literally. Nothing!  I understand that now and feel like a different person, a stronger, wiser, more fearless woman.


Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Hillsong - Beneath the Waters (I will Rise) - with subtitles/lyrics

We must know who we are in Christ.  "My people perish for lack of knowledge.." says the Lord to Hosea.  This is still true of His people today.  Acknowledge who you were as a soul separated from God, then become fixated on Jesus and the life He has given you to live in this world right now.  As you begin to rise, grab the hands of those around you and take them with you.  We are ascending, not descending, live in the freedom and joy Christ purchased for you.

Monday, July 2, 2012


"Nothing brings more glory to Christ than when the church LIVES!" -Paul White

So why do we preach more on dying than living?
These days, if a pastor preaches life people get uncomfortable!
Is Jesus alive?
Did he come to give us life?
Then we should live!!

Israel had dead religion with God under the law so God sent his son to fulfill that law because He wanted real relationships with anybody who would want Him! He yearns to give life to our dry bones!

Everywhere Jesus went He brought life to the circumstance!

Unfortunately too many of us get so caught up on dying everyday, dying to our flesh, looking forward to dying so we can be with the Lord in heaven.
We do die to our flesh and we repent from our sins when we turn to Jesus but after we do that God sees us as righteous forevermore!
We spend more time putting ourselves down instead of letting God build us up and transform us into the image of His Son!
 Jesus didn't mope around and neither should we.
When we focus on our sin we are not bringing glory to God, we are not representing Him on this earth, we are glorifying ourselves.
I hear of so many churches that focus on sin and dying and repenting and so often the people of that congregation live with guilt and condemnation because they are focused on the fact that they are just "no good" and "such a wretched sinner" when all they are doing is disqualifying the work of the cross!
Of course you're not good!
That's why Jesus came!
He is good and He has called you righteous! So get a move on! Start praising God for what He did for you! Then forget about your sin because God's forgotten about it! It's as far removed as the east is from the west! Jesus isn't going to come back and die again for your future sins, they're already covered!
Satan wants you to keep your mind on your sin so you never feel good enough to do what God has called you to do.  He wants to keep you down and God wants you to walk in the freedom He purchased for you.
So church, let's live! Let's show this dying world what life is all about!

"as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.." 
Psalm 103:12

For if, by the trespass of the one man, death reigned through that one man, how much more will those who receive God’s abundant provision of grace and of the gift of righteousness reign in life through the one man, Jesus Christ!
Romans 5:17

Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you[a] free from the law of sin and death. For what the law was powerless to do because it was weakened by the flesh,[b] God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh to be a sin offering.[c] And so he condemned sin in the flesh, in order that the righteous requirementof the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the flesh but according to the Spirit.
Those who live according to the flesh have their minds set on what the flesh desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires.
Romans 8:1-5

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Her Story is HIStory- Now Available!!

Wow, it's been a long time since I blogged!  I am excited to let you know that I just published my first book on Amazon Kindle! It's called, Her Story is HIStory and it's only $.99 if you want to get a copy and hear about how God transformed my life!  Here is a sneak peak at one of the poems I include in the book, it was written when I was 21 years old.

His Mess
You’ve caused my blood to run dry in my veins
my liver is corroded
and my heart a shredded masterpiece
my lungs are filled with hatred
and my stomach can’t break down the resentment
You’ve caused my skin to go bone-dry
and your lies have penetrated deep into my bones
I’m an obvious mess
unappealing to anyone’s eye
except for one
A redeemer who spoke this world into place
and sent His son for my salvation
He looks at me with love in His stare
and with one touch restores me to heavenly beauty
Now your tricks can’t fool me
or empty promises hold my attention
I’m no longer your mess
I’m His.

My book is unique in that I include real journal entries and poems amidst the narrative of my life-long testimony.  God is so good and my next book is going to be all about His goodness!  Thanks for following me and hearing me out! If you'd like your own copy of my book visit  this link!